What do you live for?
i want eternity.
I. if i listen closely love speaks to me, it tells me, “I am self-sufficient. satisfied with what i have given my life to sow.”
— there is no criteria for what this life requires of you, but being invited into so many homes, the itinerary for what is needed from me is blurry. i rather be listened to, than adorned with pearls of temporary silence. love for me is decked in a different wardrobe than the tiny black dress the girl next door wears out every week to be courted by her loved one. love is not the tiny beams of diamonds that flash in the mid-day sun on my friend’s wrist as she asks me if i am a fan of jewelry. it angers me, the way people think love can be bought on a wrist, a finger, a neck. nothing screams, “i need an object to validate who i am, what i can offer someone,” the most precious jewels i offer have only formed to surface from intense pressure on my heart. the heart that breaks more than a couple of times hurts differently. they feel for others differently, too. heartbreak in humans is the most dangerous thing that can happen, it can either unleash hell or widen the perspective of heaven within people who actually believe there are good people in this world. those people i admire.
II. the other half of love spurs in me when i am aware there is spaces to be filled with what can be given to those who have close to nothing. there are very few to no people who carry this desire to listen to what is required of them in this world. most times i ponder if those kinds of people will ever reach their full potential of giving and feeling. you are what you freely give, and you feel what you’ve given. that is one thing i have learned at 21. things do not become easier; they become easier to understand, making transitions easier to slip into. not every change will welcome in the same kind of love you felt before, but the love you feel for yourself should stay firm in place regardless of what is happening around you. that is one love note i haven’t written yet — one i will spend time reading over and over again once it’s written. no matter how you love someone else, or how they make you feel, the love you have for yourself should not be affected by their presence. pour the same amount of attention in yourself, as you do to another. do not get so carried away in taking care of people when you are not so well taken care of yourself. when you are told you have a “shepherd’s heart,” you carry your very own world in your chest for others. that is not to be taken for granted, in moments where life throws comets of doubt and struggle, this is the focus. that world for humanity in your chest that needs fuel to ignite a revolution of differences in others’ lives. you have that voice. to me, a voice, giving hands, a heart that lends itself without interest is love.
III. there is power in the name of Jesus. The name above all names and the truth above all truths makes distances within myself seem smaller and smaller every day. this is why he is the center of existence because when i am in multiple dimensions away from understanding myself he places all my parts together. my eyes walk by faith not by sight. my ears become less muddled with fear. my hands are stronger than the weakest parts of my body. my soul is replaced by a clean, innocent wave of lavender, a fresh white shirt set out in the valley to dry. My stomach intakes food that makes me happy. the first breath of morning i take outside Stephanie's house. friends are also a gift from God. watch closely to who he sends specifically for you. some people are always God’s small preview of what eternity will look like. the mouth i have to drink mountains of water, and voice i have to praise his name almighty. there is a power to all that is innately good for you. he is that and much more. you are that and much more; if you wait, if you watch closely, love speaks to you in the places we care about the most. the places we love to go to think to ourselves. the food we look up to as we intake and praise him for because he has to be real for that plate to exist. there is nothing more satisfying than knowing that love is his favorite language, rest assured he got you like nobody else does —on nights where you are close to giving up, stay on that thought longer.
thank you all for reading! will post more soon. follow @taintedsun if you’d like read more of my thoughts when i’m not in school or overworked with life.
with love, jupiter.
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