there is a hole in the middle of my chest, that hasn’t been addressed for years. I have tried to change the address but every time I try to love I get “return to sender” instead. you might never understand how much I harbor in this little heart of mine, nor do I suppose you ever will. how could you? when you are consumed with a galaxy of pain yourself?
I could say the sweetest words, the sweetest lullabies to put your pain to rest. I could reset your watch every day our time comes to an end so that we could pretend time doesn’t exist, and in our world 24 hours isn’t enough to hold the love on our tongues. I could dance forever with the thought of us in between each other’s deepest secrets and unforgivable acts. I would dance and dance away the night and I know for a fact you wouldn’t think twice to do the same. My feet will grow tired too, and you would hold them up to kiss them until they’ve healed. I could learn sign language so that no one could hear our conversations, except us in the comfort of our canopy. I could write you a poem every day for all the things you make me feel that don’t always have the honor to make it out of me. I could pull all the white speckles in the dark September sky and collect them on my skin to remind myself of the first time we were vulnerable. I could do the most, and still not feel like I’ve done enough to make you see how much you really mean to me.
Maybe it’s because seeing you is also an invitation to finally see myself. Away from harm, away from pain, and most of all not alone. Sometimes in the young darkness of my nights I fear that all I am is the pain I refrain to become. Often I fear everything I do is to survive the truth that nothing will ever make me feel enough. And for a second, or maybe two it changed that day we whispered into each others ears that we loved each other. For more than a second, I understood that staying alive is meant for the next moment that will make us feel alive. You’ve made me feel that in the moments I didn’t think anything could be enough, but was. Just one another, side by side, coughing up all the lungs in our heart. Caring without a care in the world.
